When “families” work, they provide a sense of belonging. A sense of anchoring in a safe harbour. They provide roots. Never has that sense of belonging been more important than today when the pandemic and our response to it seems so disorienting.
I have learned that “family” can mean a great many things to people. There are biological families, kin families, adoptive families, foster families, chosen families. In fact, for each of us our sense of our family is constantly evolving – informed by our experiences, relationships, culture and beliefs.
For far too many, the term “family” can be triggering. Too many live without that sense of belonging and anchoring – without roots. For many of those who are in care of the child protection system, or who have been, Family Day is but another holiday that painfully rips the band aid off wounds. It can impose trauma on top of trauma.
Let us be clear. We have no “family” support system in Ontario. We have a “child protection system” that masquerades as a family support system and ends up doing a mediocre job at best. And at its worst, the system can do harm.
Imagine a government that says to “families” – all families, however constituted: “Thank you. Whatever you need to do right by your children, to keep them safe, to keep them healthy, to reach their full potential, you will have. We’ve got you”. A government that demonstrates this commitment as a core directive. A government that offers supports to the families of Ontario.
Have you noticed our government, whenever discussing the challenges of the pandemic, always frames the challenges as problems for business, trade or the economy? As if families don’t exist except in the shadow of business.
I have big ideas – I know. At the same time, I realize that big ideas do not offer any solace to those suffering today.
This past week, with a bit of financial support from the Children’s Aid Foundation of Canada and facilitated by Step Stones for Youth, together, we piloted a “Belonging Fund” for youth in and from care. We offered $50 to youth in and from care to help them get through the Family Day weekend and build a sense of belonging for themselves, however they might choose.
We sent the notice of the opportunity directly to young people and former young people from care. In less than 24 hours our pilot fund was overwhelmed and the small Fund we set up was exhausted.
“In order to connect with family this upcoming family day I need to travel out of town. This is because I am not on healthy terms with my mom and value my sobriety too much to risk it. If I can get some assistance I would be able to purchase a train ticket and see my family – thank you.”
“I want to visit my foster family and my older brothers for the long weekend. It will help with gas and allow me to visit my family.”
“Family Dayis tough for me. I would like to use the money towards treating myself to a meal indoors and buying myself a favourite candle to set a better mood at home.”
Just some of the over 50 requests we received in just scant hours. Can you imagine? Perhaps you can.
For the young people in this situation, please know you are not invisible. You do belong and you are not alone. If the small gesture of a donation can offer you anything, and acknowledge your struggles, I am grateful. If big ideas can offer you hope that things can and will be different one day, I am grateful for that as well. This Family Day we are thinking about you.
For families that are struggling with children languishing on waitlists, searching for support, feeling abandoned, I honour your efforts this Family Day weekend.
For those who have never dealt with the devastation that comes when support is nowhere to be found, I’m hoping you will spend your Family Day with a sense of appreciation. Appreciation for the sense of belonging your family provides, for its safe harbour, its roots. I believe what you appreciate and desire for yourselves you desire for all. This is the Ontario we all want. It is why I run.